Theory

I've been contemplating a theory that I thought up a while ago and thought I'd finally share it. I haven't written it down yet but I haven't been writing much and thought I could use the practice on here.

Intro:
This particular theory of mine regards substance use and abuse and how it shapes individuals and groups. This theory has been thought up over time during my experiences where I and others were taking part in said substance use (I don't say abuse because I find that abuse is different- that is when a person no longer has control of their use, not a problem for me). I feel that my substance use has helped me view situations and people from a different perspective which is not bad at all in my opinion. It has opened me up to different viewpoints, belief systems, and ideas that other people value. I do sometimes fear that it has made me too impartial and not opinionated enough and people have told me that this is a weakness of mine. I, however find that it is not and has made me a very understanding and caring individual. I also find it amusing to walk through another person's mind and in their shoes, usually without them even knowing I'm doing so (I promise it is not creepy like it sounds, ha!). Let me note that I have not gotten to my theory yet, just that the theory is ironic in how it came about. It is about substance use and personality yet I came up with it while in a different state of mind where I often struggle to understand who I am as a person and why I and others do what we do.

Theory (still trying to decide on a name):
So in a different state of mind and sometimes sober, I have taken note of the way others act (particularly friends) when sober and when under the influence of alcohol or drugs and have wondered whether we all act a certain way in either state and are our true selves in the other state. For example, one of my friends, who is absolutely gorgeous, funny, and genuine, is completely self-conscious. It can show when she is sober but I feel like she does a good job of hiding it. Whenever we go out and party together however, her (possibly true, or possibly extremely irrational) self comes out to play. She is so overly self-conscious I no longer have fun being around her and instead feel that I have to babysit her self esteem. She even gets embarrassed over how I act when I say the nerdy things I say or do something that may bring attention to the both of us. She will even go as far as wandering off to get away from everyone because any kind of attention is unbearable. This is in a social setting.

One on one however, she says and does things that I usually restrain myself from doing for fear that it is too weird for others to handle. I absolutely love that about her and it brings extreme comfort knowing that people that look intimidating when you first meet them, have the same social fears and restraints that I myself do, sometimes even worse. So we already can tell that social settings change how a person acts; that is a given- we have all seen others do it and maybe have even noticed ourselves do it. And of course substance use changes how people act. It is a matter of figuring out the true personality of a person though. We feel as though we can't act ourselves sometimes but what if we bring substance use into the picture? That gives us a chance to be somebody else- and quite possibly that somebody else may just be ourselves that we hide.

Conclusion:
Bear with me- this may seem a little unorganized in thought since I have not written it down yet; consider this a rough draft. My flat out thesis for this theory should be clear enough but to reiterate- Substance abuse gives some a chance to be who they aren't and others a chance to be who they really are. To build on this theory is the idea of substance abuse. Do some people abuse substances to be that other person? Maybe they aren't happy with who they are a sober person so they abuse substances to have an excuse to act. Maybe others abuse substances to get away from it all and just need to be somebody else by the end of a long day.
The bottom line is that I feel that substance use, is largely, if not fully dependent on one's understanding of self as well as their acceptance of self, while substance abuse is largely, if not fully dependent (with the exception of physical dependence) on the same thing.


I plan on adding more to this theory as time goes on, I have a lot more on my mind, and a lot less time/patience to turn those abstract thoughts into comprehensible sentences but this is what's been brewing in my mind lately. Enjoy!

I wrote something in my dream last night and woke to remember at least what to write it based off of: "Life is like traffic". It flowed really well so that's definitely going to be a project that I'm going to work on perfecting for a while.

Details aren't meant to be recreated. If everyone were capable of such a thing, then art would not be appreciated.

Lucidly Smitten

Going from dreams to reality in the blink of an eye,
No wonder we all stop to get high.

Up close and personal with a lover or friend;
We don’t need to act or pretend.

Looking around, and what do I see?
Me and you, and you and me.

Up is down and left is right;
Hot is to cold as dark is to light.

Nothing need make sense in a dream.
You can laugh, you can shine,
You can glisten and gleam.
You can float upstream,
Plot and scheme.
There are no limits
If it makes you smile and beam.

So lay down in bed and fall fast asleep,
And if you need help, start counting sheep.

Art isn't about whether or not someone has talent or whether someone is better than another. Art is about seeing things from a unique point of view and making them into your own creation. To appreciate art is to appreciate the individuality of a perspective that isn't your own.

Reflection of Loneliness

Nobody knows you like I know you.

You are sweet, you are bitter,

You are kind and you are mean.

You build me up to tear me down so that I have something to feel.

I cry, I try to make sense of my feelings.

I smile and I cry again.

And then I go to the mirror to assess the damage.

I take a tissue and I wipe away the tears that I can see on your face.

I smile, you smile- for only you understand my feeling and fear of being truly alone.

Hazels

This is my chance to get away from it all.

I look down, then look up and no longer feel small.

I see you in my path and see hope when you smile.

I'm intrigued and feel loved,

I'll stick around for a while.